January 3rd sitting around the dining room table with Curt and Casey we toasted to the New Year. Specifically that one year from then we would all be in entirely new places in our lives…married….out of school….perhaps our own business owners…who knows…. It is now April 30th, and already so much has changed and is changing. A friend told me “change is always good”- and I feel it in my heart, however change can also be damned uncomfortable.
Two days ago I watched three complete strangers pack up everything we own in what seemed like a million boxes in less than eight hours. Yesterday they came and took my car. This morning I looked around my brother-in-laws apartment and all that was left of my life as I knew it was two suitcases, and my cat.
We just took off from Ft. Lauderdale airport. I attempted to soak in one last view of Ft Lauderdale and our home as we’ve known it-but just as quickly as I looked, the clouds quickly blanketed it all away. Jack is solidly asleep after the help of some serious kitty sedatives. I’m patiently waiting for a Jack and Coke from the stewardess (no pun intended) and quite honestly feel pretty darn numb. There was some point during the last three weeks that it stopped hurting, I just stopped feeling. No more tears, no more bad dreams.
Curt left, I was alone for weeks, his dad was in the hospital (he’s fine now), Curt’s taxes were rejected, he crashed the rental car, my professor told me the classes I took towards my degree won’t qualify me for the meteorology seal by the AMS, we missed a friend’s wedding, 5 finals in 3 days, we lost our apartment in NOLA, the honeymoon got completely botched by our travel agent and as a result it is now cancelled, and now we are in the works of cancelling all the current wedding plans and attempting to recoup all the money we’ve paid thus far, I graduated from school, quit my job, and am now flying to a new unknown city to start a new life and try to salvage a wedding.
Yeehaw.
I think I should feel like total ass with all that-but honestly I feel fine. It all just seems okay, like it’s no biggie, whatev, standard stuff. Is that perhaps the good Lord quieting my otherwise disastrously restless mind? Or have I simply become numb? Is there some emotional release waiting to pop on the scene?
God reminded me of a dream I had a year ago that I saved someone’s life in New Orleans. I am obedient. I am excited. I am walking blind. I am moving in faith and honestly it makes me giggle.
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